How to Choose Permanent Guardians for Your Children
Choosing someone you would trust and burden with the awesome responsibility of raising your children to adulthood if you couldn’t is often the hardest decision a parent has to make in estate planning.
You have to legally appoint both temporary emergency guardians and permanent legal guardians for your minor children so that your children are always safely in the care of the people they know and you trust.
We will help you learn how to choose temporary emergency and permanent legal guardians for your minor children and appoint them legally here in Massachusetts.
No one will ever replace you or raise your children exactly the way you would.
If you are having trouble making this decision or if you and your partner or spouse have to make this decision together, doing the following exercise may be helpful.
- First, do the following separately, without discussing it with one another:
- Review and rank the factors listed below.
- Brainstorm a list of all the people you would consider appointing to serve as legal guardians for your children. Don’t put them in any kind of order yet.
- Now rank the people you listed considering the way you ranked those factors.
- Next, compare your list with your partner or spouse and discuss your thought process respectfully.
- Remember, you both love your children and want what’s best for them.
- Usually, if you and your partner or spouse are having a hard time agreeing on this, it’s because you are prioritizing different factors. It is not usually about the people or how much you like or respect them.
- A Judge will always take the best interests of the child into consideration before appointing a legal guardian.
- You know more about your children and the people who may express a desire to raise them.
- It’s up to you to tell the Court what you believe is in the best interests of your child.
- This is not about any potential guardian’s feelings about what’s best for your child. This is not the place to express love and affection nor to demonstrate respect.
- Name at least 2 individual people to serve, sequentially, as permanent guardian for your children.
- Usually if you are thinking of a married couple, you really mean one of the spouse’s. Obviously, if they are still married and living together, it’s a package deal! But if they were to separate or divorce or if one were to die, who do you really mean?
- Do not name 2 different people to serve jointly unless they are married and living together and you would be fine with the survivor of them serving alone if need be.
- Do name at least one, if not two, backups to your first choice just in case your first choice is unable to accept that responsibility when the time comes.
- Don’t be surprised when circumstances and relationships and perspectives change over time and you need to update your estate planning legal documents too.
- Just do the best you can for now knowing you can change this so long as you are still living and able.
Factors to Consider to Choose a Legal Guardian for Your Minor Children
Consider the following factors, plus any others about which you or your spouse or partner feel strongly, including each potential guardian’s:
- Personal Values –How familiar with your personal values are the potential guardian’s? How closely do your values and his/hers align? Would he/she try to encourage and communicate your values to your children in your absence?
- Parenting Philosophies & Disciplinary Style – Is the potential guardian lenient, permissive, strict, rigid? What are his/her opinions regarding corporal punishment?
- Nature & Quality of Existing Relationship With Your Children – How comfortable are your children with the potential guardian? How often do they talk with and see each other?
- Location – Are you concerned about proximity to medical care, cultural centers, other family members, or other factors that lead you to choose where to live and raise your children yourself? What might be the likely effects of moving on your minor children in the aftermath of losing both of their parents? How often would your children talk with and visit their currently local friends and family if they had to move?
- Age – What are the actual and relative ages and maturity levels of both of the potential guardian and children they may have?
- Physical & Mental Health – Do you have any concerns about the potential guardian or his/her partner or spouse regarding possible or known substance use or abuse and/or any chronic mental and/or physical health conditions? How would those conditions affect your children in the short term and long term?
- Work-Life Fit & Childcare Arrangements – What percentage of the days would your children be in daycare or otherwise have alternate caregivers or be at home alone? Who would be the children’s primary caregiver on a daily basis (e.g. the guardian or his/her spouse or partner)?
- Education & Life Experience – How might the potential guardian’s own education and life experiences affect their financial circumstances and inform their personal values?
- Religious or Spiritual Philosophies – How well does the potential guardian understand or share your beliefs? How might he/she handle different opinions, practices and observances, and explain them to or preserve them for your children?
- Extended Family, Friends, & Community – How might the potential guardian’s extended family, friends and community influence, guide, or care for your children?
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